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Musings from Mama

Tuesday, January 30, 2007


This one's Better.

Friends are good things to have around; they make life a lot more fun. I've been thinking about the friends I've made over the many years I've been around and have decided I like 'em.

Seems like almost everywhere I've lived I have found very special friends who have hung in there with me over the years: yeah, even The Dad. He has hung the longest, I guess, and we haven't killed each other yet even though we have been married forever. Won't say we haven't thought of it--never divorce but-.

Now, I don't know that I would know "deep" discussions if I fell into one and drowned but I feel like I have special friends that I can talk about my deepest feelings with and know that they will not think less of me nor will they blab everything they know. We can discuss the Lord, Heaven, even Hell and disagree and not hate each other. We can discuss death and life, is that "deep"? I don't know. I do know that we at the cancer center periodically discuss how our values have changed having faced death and cronic illnesses. Is that "deep"? Politics and philosophy don't grab me much as being "deep" though when I was young I thought so. I think I am so much more into feelings and not into intellectual pursuits that to me, "deep" is in feeling and not smarts. Good thing.

The Daughter once told me that people in the South who say "If you need anything, call," really mean it and I have found that to be true. I think this is the first time I have really needed to depend on people for a long period of time (and don't like it: I'm too independent) and the Lord is teaching me a lot from it. I'm glad I am here instead of so many other places I could be. I especially think of Cindy who loved me enough to talk really firmly to me and send me to the Dr. so I didn't die. Then I was there for her to talk her through dying and help her be ready to face her Lord gladly. I think of next-door-neighbor, Karen who dropped what she was doing and came over when I called and said I was really sick and needed distraction. And then there is Linda who came over and spent 5 hours wrapping Christmas gifts and stayed because she was afraid to leave me alone; she being the same one who drove 90 miles a day for 6 weeks to take me to radiation. And there are Barb and Laura who listen and listen and tell me I'm not bad but OK no matter what I think. I could go on and on. Yes, here I have made so many friends. And my earlier friends who were really friends have kept touch even though I haven't really felt like a lot of contact. My Lake Geneva friends, my Kokomo friends are still there even though I don't see them much.

The people who ran away when I became sick don't feel much like real friends and I don't much miss them. Their loss: I hope they never become sick enough to need someone. They don't like me when I can't counsel them or listen for hours. That's OK. I'll have that time in Heaven.

Oh and did I mention my precious family most of whom love me no matter what and I feel the same about them. Best of all is my Lord who loves me in spite of all my sins and failures and doesn't find fault--just forgives me for it all even when I don't talk to Him as much as I should. One thing about Him: He's forever and ever!!! God is so Good!!!!

1 Corinthians 13:13 Posted by Picasa

Psst: Wanna see a Picture?

It was Ugly Day at Kindergarten--Really, Truly, Honest! I don't really dress that way!!!
To impress the letter U in those little minds, the teachers go to any means they decently can. I am so amazed at the kindergarten teachers and assistants: they are so creative and want so much for the little people to find learning fun. These ladies are amazing! I am so very glad they let me work with them and for them.
OK so we crawled under the table and made upside down pictures under the table with the parachute draped over the table. The kids found it cozy and had a ball. Me??? I'm still sore from crawling under there and holding my arms up to tape the papers to the table underside. Let's face it: Michaelangelo, I ain't! And we sang U songs and all.
One thing I should be a bit offended about: Those 2 days, many adults came into the room for various things and not once did anyone look the least bit curious about why a teacher, an old one at that, was crawling around and lying under the table. I mentioned that to one of the real teachers who said, "They probably just looked and said, 'oh, it's just Ms. Sarah.'" Should I be offended or worried about my reputation at school?????
These teachers are the greatest!!! If you see Barb, Laura, Sarah, or Breia, tell them they are wonderful! They don't get nearly the recognition they deserve!
Yipeeeee! It posted! It really did!!! Wheeeeeee!

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Decisions! Decisions!

How I hate making decisions! I know why I hate it but it doesn't make it easier to make them! What if it makes someone mad? Or worse, what if it hurts someone's feelings? Or, Or, Or.....
My current dilemma: what to do about school: I dearly love to teach and do my volunteer teaching. It gives me something to do, something to think about and even, sometimes, something to gripe about. OK, so what's the problem???? Every derned time I go there I get sick. Not just a little cold but a real down-and-out sick-in-bed sick. My immune system stinks since the cushings bit; so I pick up absolutely everything flu shots notwithstanding (that's an interesting word). My drs. think I may get better when the cortisol gets stable; my kids think that has nothing to do with it and it is just because I'm older than dirt. My words, of course.
Dear husband says my constitution doesn't allow me to just stay home and he is right too. I can't stand just being here doing nothing and we're too far away to just jump in the car and go do stuff. But when I get sick, then I can't do the spiritual counseling I love doing at the cancer center and it is so far away that once a week is all I can do that. Woe is me!!!
And my friends at school would be so disappointed if I couldn't do that thing. It's fun and, let's face it, I'm good at it and they always let me know that. I get a warm fuzzy and need that too. With my personality, they're hard to come by!
Now WE have to decide if we want to head up the Sat. pre-service prayer time. Thankfully, that decision is shared by the husband and I'm happy. Right now, i feel somewhat negative about it but haven't really prayed it through yet. And, yes, I HAVE prayed about the other but don't have a real answer though it would seem that having gotten sick once again last week would tell me something, wouldn't it?
Well, anyway, that's all the biggies I have right now though the time may come when I have to decide if I should go back to school and take the chaplain program--though that may not come about because the chaplain who would recommend me for the program (and the tuition coverage by the hospital) doesn't really like me! That may be good.
Thanks for "listening." Now I have to go decide what to thaw for dinner.
Have a great day and remember Jesus loves you--I do too.